AN OPEN LETTER to MAD SCIENTISTS, VAMPIRES, WITCH DOCTORS, AND ZOMBIES from THE LIVING PEOPLE OF EARTH

Dear makers of the undead:

Last week one of us died too early. So, would one of you please us do us a solid and use whatever dark magic or black science or hoodoo or unholy power you have to please, please, please re-animate Lux Interior?!?!

Here’s the deal. Most of us are working pretty hard, stressed out about money, or taking pills to get to sleep at night. It’s been a rough few years. We’re trying to keep our merde together and do what needs to be done. Kinda sucks, but we pretty much got ourselves into this mess in the first place, so now, it seems, we’ve got to suck it up.

But when Lux died last week, a lot of us looked up and said, “Wowie-zowie, I never realized how much comfort there was in knowing that at least one of us was doing whatever the hell he felt like at any given moment.” Because that’s what Lux did. At least on the nights we saw him, anyway.

e.g.




Lux somehow bulldozed right through our huuuuuge aggregation of “thou shalt nots” in order to decide for himself that whenever he felt like he wanted to be a spike heel and lady-undergarment-wearing polyvinyl-chloride-bedecked rock and roll ghoul, well then, that was just what was gonna happen . . . and anybody who didn’t like it better get the hell out of the way.

So here’s our offer. Help Lux kick the crypt, rise from his grave and return to shaking his moneymaker, and we promise to feed him the blood, braaaaaaiiiiiiiiiins, mojo hands, electrical charges or whatever he’s going to need to keep it in gear.

Like we said, Lux had worked himself two-thirds of the way down the ghoul path already, so it seems like this is not going to be an especially burdensome re-animation. And once he’s up and rocking again, you’ll have had a hand in creating — clearly — the greatest undead rock and roll icon of all time (we anticipate the added bonus of Glenn Danzig finally realizing that he just isn’t that scary, really).

We mean no disrespect to your previous efforts at rocker re-animation, for which we remain most grateful. You guys did a really great job with Screamin’ Jay Hawkins. And Alice Cooper was pretty great too, at least until he started to get “serious” about golf — but we can hardly blame you for that.


We don’t know how the whole re-animation thing works but we can’t imagine this is going to take up too much of your precious time.





OK, OK, we’ll sweeten the pot.

Re-Animate Lux and we’ll deliver the Backstreet Boys to you for their/blood/braaaaaaains/shrinkable heads/spare parts. Just be sure not to inadvertantly re-animate any of those guys when you're done with them. That’s a dealbreaker.

And if you promise not to bite or dismember anyone, maybe you could come to Lux’s first “Back From the Grave” concert. We can trust you on those points, can’t we? Pinky swear?

So, you’ll get back to us soon, right?

Maybe you could just lean Lux up against a lamppost on the Sunset Strip?

We’ll be looking for him.


Sincerely,

THE LIVING PEOPLE of EARTH